He has now explained how wing foiling differs from kiteboarding, windsurfing, and SUP to someone who did not ask and cannot tell.

He wants the sport taken seriously. He also wants you to know he discovered it before you did.

Three apps agreed: 18 knots, side-shore, all afternoon. He drove two hours. It was glass.

Day one: I'll just see what the fuss is about. Day 847: I no longer own furniture.