Three apps agreed: 18 knots, side-shore, all afternoon. He drove two hours. It was glass.

He wants the sport taken seriously. He also wants you to know he discovered it before you did.

He has now explained how wing foiling differs from kiteboarding, windsurfing, and SUP to someone who did not ask and cannot tell.

Day one: I'll just see what the fuss is about. Day 847: I no longer own furniture.